August 14, 2011

A confession

Ok. Here goes.

I didn't turn on my computer yesterday. Not once. I didn't sit down at Charles's computer, or at my mother-in-law's brand new iMac, or at any other computer. At all.

Basically, I took a break. A day off. A much needed day away from writing.

I know, I know. Much of succeeding at writing comes straight from having the discipline to sit down and do it every day, not just when you feel like it. And I remember my 30 Days of Writing for Change challenge to myself, and for that reason, I'm a little sorry to have missed even one day. But I know I can make up the overall word count pretty easily (in fact, I'm fairly certain if I totaled up everything I've written, including blog posts, since I started on August 2nd, I'd have enough words to cover the missed day), and I think so long as I keep on writing, I will still have (almost) met my goals.

Still, I feel like I owe you, faithful reader, an explanation of WHY I skipped yesterday. But sadly, there's not too much of one. I was just tired. Exhausted even. I've been remarkably anxious lately, especially considering how good my life is, and sometimes, anxious during the day turns into bone-crushing, breath-stopping, heart-breaking anxiety attacks as soon as I try to go to sleep at night. There's medicine I can take to help, but sometimes I want a break from the medicine as much as from the anxiety.

In order to calm myself, I have some tricks up my sleeve. Part of it is beyond my control (like when I'm stressing over my to-do list at work but I don't have time to do anything about it without working 24 hours a day), but part of it involves paying attention to what gets my heart rate up. For example, I'm still reading A Dance With Dragons. It's fabulous; it's exciting; I love it. I get so caught up in it that I want to keep reading, and then I think about it after I've put it down for the night.

But since I've been struggling to sleep, I've had to force myself to read something else at night, something that holds no surprises. Something like (this week) The Diary of Anne Frank. (Please note: Charles gives me a hard time for this one, because it's so sad. But I already know the ending and have dealt with that before, so by now I find it oddly soothing.) Other books I pick up when I'm exhausted and can't sleep and want something I know in and out? Pride and Prejudice, Little Women and To Kill a Mockingbird. All are books I've ready countless times, and all are books I love.

But anyway, I thought of that pretty late Friday night, so I think I got a total of three hours sleep. And then Zoe didn't nap Saturday. So by the time she went to bed, I was down for the count. Achingly tired. I barely managed to keep my eyes open for the first half of the Giants/Panthers pre-season game (for the record, Cam Newton is pretty, but I am and always will be a Giants girl).

So I took a day off. I don't think it'll kill me. But now I'm ready to go kill some zombies!

No comments:

Post a Comment